can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
