If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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