My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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