Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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