even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
