I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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