tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
