Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
