remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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