i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
