I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
