It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
