That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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