i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
