I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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