I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
