toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
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the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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