I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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