You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
