Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
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sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
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You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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