areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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