Christians are straight up FREAKS
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
