vagina is talking i cant
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
