Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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