I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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