oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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