sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
