i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
