Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
