After last night, I could never be a politician.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
