apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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