Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
