it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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