so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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