wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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