I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
