put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
this hospital has no fireball
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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