I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
