Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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