her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
