I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
