guess who came home with a hottie last night
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat