Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother