weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with