he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.