i already hear my dad disowning me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems