New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!