Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.