I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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