I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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