I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
