He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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