there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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