if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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