Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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