Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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