Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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