You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
