you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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