how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
