the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
