Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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