His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize