dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
